Bring me to…the 5th Anniversary


Saturday, November 21st, 2009
Goleta, CA
Author: Minister of History
Attending Ministers/Rabbi (17):
Minister of Media and Technology, Minister of Letters, Minister of Interior Design, Minister of Rousing, Minister of Member of the Month, Minister of Wardrobe, Minister of Revelry and Spirits, Minister of Philanthropy/Parliamentary Procedures, Minister of Auditory Pleasures, Minister of Athletics, Minister of Photography, Minister of Maritime Affairs, Minister of Competition, Minister of History, Minister of Lexicon, Minister of International Affairs
Absent Ministers/Rabbi (3):
Minister of Finance
Rabbi of Leisure
Minister of Health
Attending Guest Members (3):
[First Round of Beers]
Ministers introduced themselves to guest members explaining their title and the duties that go along with their position.
Minister of Parliamentary Procedures touched on his ‘recession proof’ micro loans and alluded to saving Christmas some years back.
Minister of Auditory Pleasures was cheered for passing the bar and becoming IFS’s first lawyer.
Minister of International Affairs began his explanation of international duties in his usual high spirits with, “a lot of people have been trying to bring to me down…”
Newest Member, Minister of Lexicon (Chuck) thanked everyone for accepting him into IFS. He explained his position of Minister of Lexicon as the guy who remembers the funny phrases and sayings that are repeated over and over at one meeting but sometimes lost over time. The Minister of Lexicon asserted that he will remember and have a command of ‘the shtick, ya know the shit chicks hate,” and received a round of applause and many welcomes.
[Anthem – Minister of Letters (wearing athletic shorts) jumped ahead in the song, but everybody kept it together until Diego brought it home with another strong finish]
[Second Round of Beers]
Food Ordering:
Notable Orders –
Minister of Art and Design: Chicken Florentine Crepes, Appetizer Sampler, Short stack, and Mac’n Cheese
Guest Member Sean: 2 Breakfast Samplers, 5 sides of bacon
[Smoke Break]
Fantasy Football talk from the smoke break led into discussion of the afternoon football match. Team Captains and Brothers in Design (art and interior) squared off in a short stack eating competition. Minister of A/D’s bare hand approach dismantled Minister of Interior’s more methodical fork/knife method. For his Joey Chestnut-esque efforts, Minister of A/D got first pick for the Flapjack Bowl and would later pick Minister of Parliamentary Procedures.
[Beers brought in continually]
Minister of Wardrobe’s girlfriend fund for transporting the trophy to the Goleta IHOP was passed around. Full off of his victory, Minister of A/D generously contributed one dollar.
Meeting Called to Order
Minister of Parliamentary Procedures called the meeting to order. He introduced the first discussion item, the IFS Fund. Many Ministers contributed points for and against including Minister of Revelry and Spirits and Minister of Competition.
After much deliberation, Minister of Revelry and Spirits moved to set up an IFS FUND for future events and societal expenses using a group PayPal account with an optional $10 contribution a month. Minister of Rousing seconded the motion. The motion was brought to a vote and was passed unanimously with Minister of R&S electing to head up this project.
Minister of Revelry and Spirits moved to change his title to Minister of Business Management. The motion was seconded by Minister of Competition who also jokingly suggested an alternative title, the Real Minister of Finance. The motion was passed unanimously without an individual yes/no vote.
Minister of Philanthropy moved to change quorum from 2/3’s to 50% plus one. With full attendance, this would mean 11 of 20 votes would be necessary to pass a motion. Motion was seconded by Minister of M+T and passed unanimously without an individual yes/no vote.
Minister of Rousing introduced a discussion item: for future meetings, to have Ministers add their discussion items to the official agenda a couple days prior to the meeting. This would still allow for topics to be brought up at the table as well. Ministers nodded in agreement but no vote was taken.
New Business:
Minister of Rousing passed around an handout for a meeting idea for early 2010: the Phoenix Open. Minister of Rousing described the golf tournament as a three day party that would be all encompassing: food, entertainment, beer (Coors light unfortunately), and women all at one location. Minister of Business Management confirmed the potential for all Ministers to make party at the Phoenix Open as the indecipherable pictures on the hand out could not do it justice. Other ministers, including Minister of Interior Design, reminisced about the Phoenix Ramada Inn conveniently located in the same parking lot as a waffle house and a gentleman’s club – “bring me to the…best western.” The item was well received and tabled for further discussion.
Minister of Wardrobe introduced new 5th anniversary apparel – white T-shirts with gold, italicized lettering on the front and back – absolute playah design. He also mentioned his upcoming Christmas Party at his apartment in Hollywood featuring Huckleberry.
Minister of Photography suggested he change his name to something more wine related now that Minister of Business Management had changed his name from Revelry and Spirits. Despite his celebrated career in the field of photography, the former Minister of Photography is now the Minister of Wine.
Monthly Awards:
Minister of MOM introduced the ballots explaining you can vote for “who’s super cool and who’s not” for Member of the Month and for the Continental Breakfast award. Or, as Auditory Pleasures suggested, “you can just check C.B. for C.B.”
Author’s Note: Many rounds of Budweisers made the tallying of votes a nearly insurmountable task. Many thanks to Minister of Maritime Affairs for his contributions in record keeping (and v-necks).
After many heartfelt laughs from reading aloud each ballot, the Minister of Wardrobe took home the Member of the Month award and Minister of Letters was deemed Continental Breakfast winner with 6 votes, narrowly edging out Minister of Art and Design.
In celebration, Minister of Wardrobe held the trophy proudly above his head, and pointing to the sky, he exclaimed many “Thank Yous!” and “Yes’s!” He would later claim, for the second year in a row, that “this year, I’m going to make a serious run at Member of the Year.”
Minister of Letters shook his head as he received the CB award, and explained how he had woken up with such high hopes for the day. He would later redeem himself as the MVP of the flapjack bowl.
Member of the Year Award:
Newly renamed Minister of Business Management won the Member of the Year award for his strength and organizational efforts since returning from Germany. After a mighty cheer that undoubtedly echoed through the main dining area and many, enthusiastic fist pumps, Minister of Business Management composed himself. With great humility, he simply stated, “I’m just proud to be part of this organization.” Acknowledging the group’s past and present strength, he continued, “We’re just going to get stronger and stronger.”
Minister of Member of the Month delicately added: “his strength is great, not so much in angularity, but in volume displacement.”
Lifetime Achinment Award:
Former Members of the Year – Minister of Letters and Minister of Rousing surprised the group with a special treat – a Lifetime Achinment award for the one member ineligible for the Member of the Year award because of his unique role in deciding the M.O.Y. award. Upon accepting the medal, Minister of Member of the Month explained the chinscription written on the back of medal, “you don’t see it, but there’s a lot of adversity I overcome behind the scenes.”
[2nd anthem heartily sang without incident]
[96 beers totaled]
Annivesary Surprise:
As the bill was being totalled, Minister of Art and Design stunned the group with a surprise phone call from the inspiration behind IFS – David “Champ” Koechner. As everyone huddled around and listened on speaker phone, Champ threw out a couple of “Whammy’s” and a “We Do It Every Month” much to the delight of everybody.
It was a fitting end to a strong 5th annivesary meeting.
Notable Quotes:
“do I get a discount because you have a chest tattoo”
“that bitch was fat, thanks for the lap dances”
“you know that show on abc, Flash Forward…in my version of the show, I flash forward to myself being acquitted of statutory rape charges thanks to Minister of A.P.”

Happy 27th Wardrobe



Today marks the day that our own Minister of Wardrobe came into this world 27 years ago, and what a day it is.

Here is your horoscope from the Boston Herald:

Your inner strength surges, which comes with an onus of using your powers for good. A smart decision paves the way for positive relationships. In September, a new admirer of your work or of your person shows up. Couples get closer in October. Act on your notions and November brings a financial uplift. Scorpio and Aquarius adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 40, 11, 14, 39 and 17.

I am an Aquarius and it is true I adore you.

Have a good birthday old flapjack,


The New I.F.S. Store – Preview


A new version of the I.F.S. store has been long overdue, and after hours of tireless search I have found a new online retail reseller worthy of our time. While our own Minister of Wardrobe attends the Lakers game and other dalliances tonight, thanks GC, I bring you the start of the new I.F.S. store:

Its Science


This past July I made my way down to Barro Colorado Island, Panama to do my research on Tropical Rain forests using “Lasers”.  Competition made his way down and helped me with a little field work and managed to sneak in a dance with a German graduate student.  We ahre laughfing!

I meant to make this post right after my trip but I got a little sidetracked and forgot.  But here’s a little photo essay of my ‘International’ experience in the rain forest.

P1050729.JPG  Barro Colorado Island is in the Panama Canal Zone


P1050091.JPGMOM tracks the elusive Tree-Finance

P1050098.JPGAnteater climbing a tree and big ugly tropical spider

The native tropical vegetation was pretty impressive
P1050266.JPGThe tree at right is the “Walking Palm” which can sense canopy gaps where extra light is coming through
and it will literally “walk” across the forest floor by

putting down its butressed roots in one direction and pull them up on the back end. Science!

P1050629.JPGThe financier of my journey, Dr. Tom Gillespie. (left) The Professor, Competition and myself managed to rack up a $60 bar tab (which is impressive at 75cents a beer) and then accidentally leave on the last day without paying, whoops!

Bananas with mini-snickers bars baked in->

P1050628.JPGThe tropical biologists were a slightly rowdier group than I expected, on the last night they threw a party to celebrate Comp leaving the island even though he’d only been there one day.  Assholes.

P1050649.JPG“I went to Germany once. Do you know Timo? See, i used to live in SPAIN!” ->
After having a good number of libations, jumping in the
P1050634.JPGcrocodile infested lagoon with minimal clothing seemed like the best plan.

P1050078.JPGTrick is to make sure there’s always someone further from the pier than
you.  (seriously, two biologist swimmers have been attacked here over the years.)
<- nearby

P1050449.JPGAnd the Money Shot….

I may have looked a little dumb taking a picture of my empty plate in the field station’s cafeteria, but i look pretty smart now. 

Praise be to almighty Science and Gooooood Flapjack!

The Prize is in…

Comments Off on The Prize is in…

A little motivation to get out there and eat some tasty Mexican Meat Pancakes

The State of the Many Roles of Kurt Russell Address

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In just two days, we will be uniting to form the MANY ROLES OF KURT RUSSELL.  For those of you who missed the first post, we will be uniting to form the MANY ROLES OF KURT RUSSELL at Amanda’s house in Los Feliz this Saturday night.  Here’s her address:

3424 Lambeth Street
Los Angeles, CA 90027

Here’s a "Breakdown" of who’s coming and which Kurt Russell they will be portraying:

– Minister of Media and Technology will be Jack Burton from "Big Trouble in Little China." 
– Minister of MOM will be Snake Plissken from "Escape from L.A."
– Minister of Competition will be solar explorer, Col. Jonathan ‘Jack’ O’Neil from "Stargate."
– Minister of Rousing will be Dean Proffitt from "Overboard."
– Minister of Interior Design will be Coach Herb Brooks from "Miracle."
– Minister of Letters will be Michael Zane from "3,000 Miles to Graceland."
– Minister of Defense will be McCabe from "Vanilla Sky."
– Future Minister and IFS blood relative Ryan Maughan will be Stephen ‘Bull’ McCaffrey from "Backdraft."
– Longtime Friend of IFS and forever welcome Guest Member Ben Persons will be Captain Ron from "Captain Ron."

That’s nine Kurt Russells by my count, just shy of double digit Kurt Russells.  Now, I know that Health/Trade will be attending the party – so if he dresses up as a Kurt Russell, then we’ll have ten Kurt Russells total.  Also, Philanthropy is attempting to shift his work schedule around so he can make it as well.  International Affairs, Maritime, Athletics and Shwayne, we haven’t heard anything from you four so please comment on this post with your status.  Younger/Taller/Athleticer and Letters will be coming down from SB, and Media will be coming up from the OC, so finding a ride should not be a problem.  Also, here’s some last minute costume suggestions that should be easy to throw together:

– As Jeff Taylor in "Breakdown," Kurt wears a Ralph Lauren polo tucked in to khakis, and cool sunglasses:

– Kurt wears a tux in "Executive Decision" and a black suit in Poseidon (granted, you’d have to jump in a shower for this one).
– Wyatt Earp – we still  need one.  Calls for a taller man with a strong mustache and a cowboy outfit, so I’m thinking Esteban.  Whoever takes this role, the all black getup would be the right way to do it.
– "Dark Blue" would be easy.  Black collared shirt, leather jacket, light blue jeans and black sneakers:

Anyways, just some ideas.  Like Competition commented earlier, this seems destined as Kurt Russell made a strong appearance on South Park last night.  I hope everyone can make it.  The more Russells the better. 

– Rousing

A Russell for Every Season


Ministers, it’s time.  It’s time to transform an exciting idea into a harrowing reality.  On October 27th, we will unite to become the MANY ROLES OF KURT RUSSELL.  Most of you know about this concept, and hopefully you are excited to be a part of it.  For those of you who are out of the Russell-loop (Shwayne), here’s a few reasons why we will soon be uniting to become the MANY ROLES OF KURT RUSSELL:

1) Kurt is HANDSOME

2) Kurt is STRONG:

3) Kurt is NICE:

So, now that you know the WHO (KURT RUSSELL) and the WHY (ABOVE), here’s the WHEN, the WHAT/WHERE and the HOW:

WHEN: October 27, 2007.  The Saturday evening before Halloween.
WHAT/WHERE: Halloween Party at Amanda’s home in Los Feliz.  Call me for directions.
1) Choose one of Kurt Russell’s roles (some costume suggestions included as well): Stargate (buzz cut, army fatigues), Tombstone (strong mustache), Backdraft, Escape from New York (eye patch), Escape from LA (eye patch, surf board), Soldier, Captain Ron (hawaiin shirt, speedo), Breakdown, Poseidon (tuxedo, step in the shower), Big Trouble in Little China, 3,000 Miles to Graceland (Elvis costume and machine gun), Miracle, Death Proof, and many more – full listing and pictures here: 
2) This has to be an organized process, otherwise, we’d have 8 Captain Rons showing up to the party.  So, when you have selected your Kurt Russell role, please comment on this post with your name and your desired role.  This will be a first come, first serve basis; if someone has picked Captain Ron, then you CANNOT be Captain Ron.  Maybe you can be Stargate or Vanilla Sky instead.
3) Create your costume and wear it to the party.   All costumes will require strong hair (some of you have this, some of us will need wigs – modified mullet wigs should work).
4) Take pictures with the other Kurt Russells at the party.  These pictures will be very strong.

The more Kurt Russells, the better, so I hope that all of you can make it.  Please comment with your picks, and with any questions that you may have.  Hope to see you all there.

– Rousing

IFS Nikes

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The IFS shoe, thanks to Nike and modern technology, these bad boys can be yours for $80-100.  I don’t know why owning IFS apparel appeals to me so much, but it does, and I like it. 

Maybe next month I’ll pull the trigger on one of these two models. Then I’ll be the talk of the next meeting.  You can check out the laced model here, and the velcro model here.

Get Your Team IFS Shirts


Team_ifs_logo_2So it’s less than two weeks until my marathon and I just wanted to post and remind everyone to save the date and that we already have a free place to stay in Carmel for Friday and Saturday night. This is not some cheesy Prefontaine-esque post, but I was thinking a lot about the race last night on my drive home from a memorial service in the Bay. Having you all come to the race and support me would mean a lot. To me, this race is a bigger deal than it may seem to you all cause I have spent hundreds of hours over the last 4 months training to break 4 hours, putting my body through hell in the process. This is one of the hardest marathons in the country due to the wind and the hills, and knowing that you all will be waiting for me at the finish line will help me make it through it. I will be representing our organization, wearing the IFS Old English on my jersey and I hope that you all will be there wearing it too. Busy or not, I hope that you all can rally for the event. Check out the website for info and pictures of the race.

I am getting shirts made with the above logo in large letters on the front to match my jersey. The shirts will be American Apparel white or grey with black ink. I am going to put the order in tomorrow, so if you have any design suggestions, let me know tonight. Otherwise, I kept it simple to keep the cost down. I was quoted $17 per finished shirt, for a batch of 12 shirts, so the more we order, the cheaper each shirt will be. I will try to get in touch with everyone before I put in the order, but please comment or give me a call with the size and number of shirts you want, to make it easier for me. I’m also trying to get an idea of who’s coming, so let me know your plans as well. As of now, I think that some of us in SB are leaving on Friday night and some after work on Saturday. Obviously it would be best to coordinate for carpooling.



How to Dress Like A King

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One day we will all dress like this, as we will all be kings…