IFS goes to Duketown


Esteemed Ministers,

In discussions with several of you durring my brief visit to California over the Christmas break, it was made clear to me that there is a groundswell of support for the IFS-Durham pilgrimage I have advocated for since my first months in tabacco country. Though I know the journey is far and pocketbooks are slim, however I assure you the rewards of such a mission will substantially outweigh the costs.

Therefore I would like to formally invite you all to join me in the land of biscuits and gravy for what will prove to be an adventure of legendary proportions.  Nestled comfortably between Iraqi Kurdistan and Kosovo, Durham proudly holds 35th place on the NY Times’ list of greatest cities to visit in the world in 2011, and in the wake of an IFS assalt, I am confident Durham can surpass the Kurds by 2012.

In lue of a longwinded explanation of all the wonders Durham has to offer, I submit to you this list of web-links for establishments we will patronize should my invitation be accepted:







….and many more

Now the question is when. I suggest a Thursday through Sunday timeline (with arrival prior to dinner on Thurs).  I will try to make whatever date works best for you fit with my schedule.  As a starting point for discussion, I propose the weekends of:

Feb 17-20, March 10-13 or 17-20 (my spring break), April 7-10 or 14-17

Please discuss dates amongst yourselves and contact me with any questions. I hope too see you all in Durham soon.

Good Flapjack to you,

The Rebbi

Durham Calling


Esteemed Ministers,

I am greatly saddened to have to miss both the Halloween Rumble and the upcoming 5 year reunion. My distance has proven to be a formidable obstacle to my active participation in IFS activities since school has begun. But I would like to take this seemingly lamentable situation and use it to the benefit of our entire organization. What I am suggesting will be demanding of you all, but the rewards will far out way the costs… I, the Rabbi of leisure, would like to invite you all to Durham, North Carolina, for the greatest New-Year’s celebration of the decade!!! IFS New-Year’s 2010 has the potential to blow your flap-staken’ minds and stir your syrup-pumpin hearts.

For those bold enough to make the journey, I guarantee:

• Life altering Barbecue (and many other varieties of food to clog the arteries but quicken the spirit)

➢ Diego- This means all you can eat, so get your shwammy-as-she-goes ass down here

• Beer that flows like wine (and for that matter, wine that flows like wine as well)

➢ If anyone can convince Jordan to come, the Mike’s Hards are on me all trip

•Scantily clad, sex-starved women, eager to experience the joy of uninhibited flap-jackery

➢ For Jimmy – Fish to have sex with

• Music so riveting as to inspire Bunch to dance, and make Nova want to sodomize Esteban

• A whirlwind tour of one of the south’s most vibrant cities (led by your own Rabbi of leisure)

• And most importantly a chance for our brotherhood to strengthen bonds friendship in yet another far-flung destination

Let me know how this sounds to all of you. If there is a will there is a pancake, so let’s do it!

Light and fluffily yours,

The Rabbi of Leisure



Its Science


This past July I made my way down to Barro Colorado Island, Panama to do my research on Tropical Rain forests using “Lasers”.  Competition made his way down and helped me with a little field work and managed to sneak in a dance with a German graduate student.  We ahre laughfing!

I meant to make this post right after my trip but I got a little sidetracked and forgot.  But here’s a little photo essay of my ‘International’ experience in the rain forest.

P1050729.JPG  Barro Colorado Island is in the Panama Canal Zone


P1050091.JPGMOM tracks the elusive Tree-Finance

P1050098.JPGAnteater climbing a tree and big ugly tropical spider

The native tropical vegetation was pretty impressive
P1050266.JPGThe tree at right is the “Walking Palm” which can sense canopy gaps where extra light is coming through
and it will literally “walk” across the forest floor by

putting down its butressed roots in one direction and pull them up on the back end. Science!

P1050629.JPGThe financier of my journey, Dr. Tom Gillespie. (left) The Professor, Competition and myself managed to rack up a $60 bar tab (which is impressive at 75cents a beer) and then accidentally leave on the last day without paying, whoops!

Bananas with mini-snickers bars baked in->

P1050628.JPGThe tropical biologists were a slightly rowdier group than I expected, on the last night they threw a party to celebrate Comp leaving the island even though he’d only been there one day.  Assholes.

P1050649.JPG“I went to Germany once. Do you know Timo? See, i used to live in SPAIN!” ->
After having a good number of libations, jumping in the
P1050634.JPGcrocodile infested lagoon with minimal clothing seemed like the best plan.

P1050078.JPGTrick is to make sure there’s always someone further from the pier than
you.  (seriously, two biologist swimmers have been attacked here over the years.)
<- nearby

P1050449.JPGAnd the Money Shot….

I may have looked a little dumb taking a picture of my empty plate in the field station’s cafeteria, but i look pretty smart now. 

Praise be to almighty Science and Gooooood Flapjack!

Working hard


Qaqc_cock_and_ballsTechnical Details:

Part of my job as the Director of Quality Control is to process GPS points collected in the field to check the Aerial Laser Survey data.  The Field Operations Specialist (Defense) mounts a survey grade GPS antenna on a vehicle, measures the antenna height and drives around the project area.  The resulting data is processed to a very high degree of accuracy (2-4cm) and compared with the Laser points collected in the aircraft to make sure they are accurate.  When the accuracy of the points is good, these charts show them in green.

Just imagine my satisfaction when i checked these GPS points and found they were all of very high quality and in the shape of a cock and balls.  I can just imagine the smile on Defense’s face as he charted his path through the central valley, thinking of me in the office, sitting in my cubicle, processing GPS points, taking screen shots and making IFS posts.  Meanwhile the heavy pelican case for the GPS equipment sits atop the shattered sacred documents. A giant green shlong and a job well done sir.  The client will be pleased.

Picture Day


Alfalfa_2Ministers and Rabbi,

    Although we have had lots of fun at various informal gatherings since Chico, the fact of the matter is that we have some serious business to take care of.  Numerous loose ends need to be tied up and I am looking forward to a very business-like meeting. 

    We will be inducting a new member and as usual it is very important for the organization to maintain our code and conduct.  The new member will be fully endorsed by all necessary parties and will have the paperwork completed before the meeting.
    I propose every member have something to bring to the meeting, no matter how small.  I personally will be bringing numerous items, including the member of the year trophy for the best member of 2007.  Remember what is at stake here.  I implore you, "If you have a responsibility within the group please carry out your required duties."  If you cannot perform your duties, find a minister who can and is willing to help.
    I also proposed a picture day in which we will be taking personal photos for the website and filling out personal bios.  I have prepared the bio forms and will be handing them out at the meeting.  For those members not present, the forms can be filled out and emailed.  It is my vision to work these personal biographies into the website.  So either wear something nice or IFS gear, or both.   
    Sorry about the serious business post.  Do good work,  love your beer, love your flapjacks, honor your organization, honor your country and be good ministers.  That is all.

A Russell for Every Season


Ministers, it’s time.  It’s time to transform an exciting idea into a harrowing reality.  On October 27th, we will unite to become the MANY ROLES OF KURT RUSSELL.  Most of you know about this concept, and hopefully you are excited to be a part of it.  For those of you who are out of the Russell-loop (Shwayne), here’s a few reasons why we will soon be uniting to become the MANY ROLES OF KURT RUSSELL:

1) Kurt is HANDSOME

2) Kurt is STRONG:

3) Kurt is NICE:

So, now that you know the WHO (KURT RUSSELL) and the WHY (ABOVE), here’s the WHEN, the WHAT/WHERE and the HOW:

WHEN: October 27, 2007.  The Saturday evening before Halloween.
WHAT/WHERE: Halloween Party at Amanda’s home in Los Feliz.  Call me for directions.
1) Choose one of Kurt Russell’s roles (some costume suggestions included as well): Stargate (buzz cut, army fatigues), Tombstone (strong mustache), Backdraft, Escape from New York (eye patch), Escape from LA (eye patch, surf board), Soldier, Captain Ron (hawaiin shirt, speedo), Breakdown, Poseidon (tuxedo, step in the shower), Big Trouble in Little China, 3,000 Miles to Graceland (Elvis costume and machine gun), Miracle, Death Proof, and many more – full listing and pictures here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000621/. 
2) This has to be an organized process, otherwise, we’d have 8 Captain Rons showing up to the party.  So, when you have selected your Kurt Russell role, please comment on this post with your name and your desired role.  This will be a first come, first serve basis; if someone has picked Captain Ron, then you CANNOT be Captain Ron.  Maybe you can be Stargate or Vanilla Sky instead.
3) Create your costume and wear it to the party.   All costumes will require strong hair (some of you have this, some of us will need wigs – modified mullet wigs should work).
4) Take pictures with the other Kurt Russells at the party.  These pictures will be very strong.

The more Kurt Russells, the better, so I hope that all of you can make it.  Please comment with your picks, and with any questions that you may have.  Hope to see you all there.

– Rousing

Fricker is going back to school!


Spun330aAs many of you may have heard, I have been accepted to the PhD program at UCLA in Geography.  I recieved official confirmation this morning, and I didn’t want to make any announcments before I had a letter in hand.
So… I’m going back to school next fall.  The last remaining hurdle is a financial one, so we’ll see how high I can jump and if I get any help from the great state of California.  Cross your fingers.  But don’t worry, I’ll still be availble for any questions regarding lasers and or laser maps from now into the future, hopefully moreso. 

I can also legitimately rep UCLA basketball for their game versus Flordia on Saturday. Go Bruins!!  I’d like to thank all of my brothers for their support. I love you all.  -FrickerAcceptance_letter

UCSB Laser Map Quiz


Ucsb_campusHere are ten 3D images taken from the LiDAR signature from
an airborne laser scanner flown over our beloved UCSB. There’s a bit of noise in these models and it’s
not like looking at an image, so interpret wisely. It seems the going rate is 2 bottles of ale
to the winner. First person to comment
with the correct answers (or the most correct answers) gets two beers and the respect of their peers:

There are 10 Laser Maps, all on the main UCSB campus.  For those who didn’t attend UCSB, get a campus map and guess anyway.Shot10arrow




I Have the Coolest Job of the Group!!!


Here is an average day in the life of Scott Baumann, laser extraordinaire (in training):


First, fly across the country and use satellites and computers to find the laser hole.


Then, after using satellites and computers to find it, reach through ice and water to finger the laser hole.


After the laser hole and been thoroughly fingered, go directly to Anchor Bar in Buffalo, NY, the place where Teressa Bellissimo invented Buffalo wings in 1964.


Finally, eat as many wings as you can.  These are quite simply the best wings your humble Minister of Not Writing the Defense Report has ever seen and/or eaten.  They were huge and tender and perfectly fried.  The bleu cheese was so creamy and tangy that I thought for a moment I was giving Mark a blow-job.  The celery and carrots were pretty much the same as they are anywhere else.  Oh, and to boot, we also had pitchers of McSorley’s beer, which is beer that is brewed for and by McSorley’s Old Ale House, the oldest and most bad ass bar in all of New York City.  Jordan will confirm this for me.  They have a $2 cheese and raw onion plate that is to cheese plates what Anchor Bar wings are to wings.

Living the dream.  Sorry about your face.


P.S.-  Thank you Fricker for getting me this job.