At Home with the LA Sparks!

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On February 11, 2017, after a 14 month hiatus, the ministers came Home for breakfast. Not the home of IFS, the IHOP off turnpike in Goleta, but rather, the restaurant “HOME,” a Silverlake gem and obvious Wardrobe favorite. In the dimly lit, poorly ventilated, private backroom at HOME, the ministers Marked the 12th Anniversary of the International Flapjack Society, two months into year 13. Sorry about it 2016.

Attendance: Minister of Competition, Minister of Health, Minister of History, Minister of Wardrobe, Minister of Finance, Minister of Media & Technology, Minister of Art & Design, Minister of Letters, Minister of Member of the Month, Minister of Auditory Pleasure, Minister of Education, Minister of Interior Design, Minister of Business Management, Minister of Lexicon, Minister of the American Dream. The Minister of Rousing appeared by video. Guest member Cody was also in attendance.

[1st Round of Beers]

The meeting started slow. Without the official rouser to wake them, some ministers slept in. While waiting for the meeting to start, the ministers present took to planning.  T-shirt sizes were estimated.  “Yeah, he’s probably a double XL.” Tables were arranged and rearranged.  “Shit, we’re going to have to make it an L shape.”  Breakfast orders were second guessed. “Do they have side orders? I think we’re just going to have to share plates.”  And dogblogs were compared. “She has 673 followers.”

Sherri, our devoted waitress at Home, nervously entered and exited the ministers’ private room, perhaps expecting to take orders for something other than budweisers and cocktails. For 75 minutes, she was left waiting.

At 11:15 am sharp, the Minister of Interior Design, Minister of Business Management, and Minister of Lexicon strolled in just in time for the Anthem. Water was ordered to the table by Minister of Business Management. Always be hydrating.


[Breakfast Orders]

Minister of Finance ordered the Steak & Eggs.  Steak medium. Eggs over easy. Sourdough toast. Potatoes. Strong value.

Minister of Interior Design ordered the Eggs Chorizo.

Minister of Wardrobe ordered the Chilaquiles and a side of Chocolate Chip Pancakes. Wow dad!

Minister of Lex ordered the French Toast. Thanks Fidel.

Minister of Art & Design ordered the Breakfast Burrito, add Avocado, extra bacon,

Minister of Competition ordered the Chilaquiles and Stack of Flapjacks. (And a Pimms)

Minister of Health ordered the Fried Chicken and Waffles, sub Pancakes. “Chicken and Pancakes, the next frontier”

Minister of the American Dream ordered the Carne Asaduhhh and Eggs.

Minister of Auditory Pleasure ordered the Breakfast Burrito with Crispy Bacon. Add Avocado. Home fries.

Minister of Business Management ordered the Chicken and Waffles and a Bloody Mary.

Minister of History ordered the Southern Fried Steak.

Minister of Education ordered the Southern Fried Steak, scrambled eggs, and Sourdough toast.

Minister of Letters ordered the Fried Chicken and Waffles, sub pancakes.

Minister of M&T ordered the California Eggwich with a side of Fruit.

Guest Member Cody ordered the Breakfast Quesadilla.

A side of Red Velvet Pancakes were ordered for the table by the People.

“Do you see this waffe right here? That’s CB material”

“Any trophy is better than no trophy.”

[Smoke Break]

[2nd Round of Beers]

[Official Business]

Minister of Media & Technology: “I don’t want to steal any credit, but I played a role in the $8 T-shirts that are coming out.” “Ed, it’s a complete surprise. You don’t call me.  I just see pictures of ducks in Lake Forest.”

Minister of Finance: “Traditionally, I calculate the bill and also, well, it’s been like 3 years, so I don’t really remember all of my duties.”

Minister of Letters: “It brings me such great joy to know that every single person in this room is going to come to Mexico for my wedding.”

“What about the wall dude? How do we deal with that.”

“How do I get back?”

“We’ll figure that out…Sunday.”

Minister of Education: “It is a singular honor to be back. I’ve been away in Asia for way too long. You guys are welcome to come to Orange County any time to feed the ducks.”

Minister of Interior Design: “I would not have picked this — place.” “It’s a good crew today.”

Minister of Wardrobe: “I picked this place. It’s a good place.”

Minister of Business Management: “I don’t actually know what my title is. It’s great to be home in California. Go dubbs.”

Minister of Auditory Pleasure: “As part of my duties, I picked out what country’s anthem we would steal to make our anthem. AzerbaiJAM.” MAP proceeded to bring a “serious piece of business,” to choose a set weekend every year away from the holiday season.  February and October were batted around. This proposal was later voted down.

Minister of Lexicon: “What’s up? I’m Chug! Sometimes, I get cut out of e-mail chains.” “Last year, this meeting didn’t seem like it was going to happen, so a toast to all you guys for getting it done.”  

Guest Member Cody: “Any time I hang out with you guys it makes me realize how lucky you guys are to have formed something like this that has lasted this long.”

From the table, “Can I get 18 bud lights please?”

Minister of Art & Design: “I like to insert subconscious IFS imagery into commercials. But they’re starting to catch on.” “I’ve also been known as the co-captain of team plan to get it done…but I have to step down, it’s too much pressure.”

Minister of Rousing: “I am the Minister of Rousing, the erstwhile Minister of Coordination and Rousing. And despite what Diego may have said this weekend, I put the “I” in IFS.” “Try to speak towards the camera when you give your speeches.”

Minister of Health: “I am the Minister of Health, as you can see.  I appreciate your love and support.”

Minister of History: “I am the Minister of History, also YT.” “Go to and you can read funny stuff Chuck said 18 months ago.”

Minister of Competition: “I’m the Minister of Competition. No real business except go Ducks and Go Dodgers. Also, I’m going to gauge interest in a Fantasy Baseball league.”

Minister of American Dream: “I know people think Curtis, who flew from one developed country to another, or Chinverse, who rode on a camel in Egypt for a week, put the “I” in IFS.  But actually I put the “I” in IFS.” “I did forget the Member of the Month under my bed.” “I’m going to build a beautiful wall on the outside of IHOP off turnpike and Baez is going to pay for it.”

Sherri: “We’re running out of Budweisers. We have also Stellas…”

Group: “No.”

Sherri: “Okay, I’ll find some more Budweisers.”

[3rd Round of Beers]

“If you haven’t cast your ballot yet, Fidel is always a good vote.”

Minister of Member of the Month read the ballots. He proposed that the Member of the Year should be a democratic process.  “Although I’m a benevolent dictator.  I am still a dictator.”  MOM then read Minister of Rousing’s counterpoint. “It’s special because it’s not a democratic decision and you always give a great speech-Jam.  Also, I fear change.”

[4th Round of Beers]

The vote were tallied and then tallied again.  In an unprecedented run away, Minister of Business Management received the most votes for the Continental Breakfast award for showing up late, ordering water, and prematurely exiting the weekend.

Ministers of Health and Wardrobe received equal votes for the Member of the Month Award for their strength.

Minister of Health and Minister of Wardrobe also received the Member of the Year award.

Minister of Member of the Month introduced the new member of the year trophy, Lord Flappy’s Cup, to be engraved with each Member of the Year’s name, like the Stanley Cup.  Minister of Health and Minister of Wardrobe then drank out of the MOY Cup, the first of many members to taste sweet Adolphus from Lord Flappy’s Cup.

[End of Meeting]

IFS: A Brief History of Time (Lost to Blackout)

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Before we embark onto the city of Angels, the city of Bloods, the city of Chins, and yes, the city of Baez, let’s first peer back on the ruins we’ve left behind: Smashville (year 11).  

And for those non-readers, a few photographs pulled from the rubble, each stained with syrup and adolphi of the 2015 vintage.


December 12, 2015

Nashville, TN

Eight ministers, one rabbi, and four guests, numbering thirteen in total, gathered at the Encore Tower, 7th Floor Clubroom, in the heart of downtown Nashville, Tennessee.  In attendance: Minister of Business Management, Minister of Letters, Minister of Rousing, Minister of Member of the Month, Minister of the American Dream, Minister of History, Minister of Interior Design, Rabbi of Leisure, Minister of Athletics, Guest Member Alex, Guest member Cody, Guest Member Jeff, Guest Member Zach.

After last minute assembly of a makeshift table (doors on pool table), a few travel size bottles of Fireball, and some touch and go moments with Minister of MOM, the group sat down for breakfast plus lunch. Dozens of adolphi adorned the breakfast eating surface.

Realizing there were no waiters at the Encore Clubroom, Letters said what we were all thinking, “Something feels funny.   We’re not able to order.”  

“There’s no Rooty or Tooty.” Athletics

“Can you get someone to help us out down here?” Interior Design

The fixed menu anxiety shifted to concern as one member struggled to make it to the table: a Samurai writhing from the ball of fire burning his insides.  

[10 minute delay for MOM collection/propping up]

“As soon as MOM gets back, we can start the meeting.” Rousing

“Where’d he go?” Letters 

“He’s throwing up.” History

“Is he really?” Letters asked, with no concern in his voice.

“Yes, because of all the fireball shots.” History

And then matter-of-factly, “Oh….Good for him.”  Letters.

Letters started off the anthem by humming an E for everyone to match pitch.


At the conclusion of the anthem, “Right now, Jordan’s spidey sense is going off.” Rabbi

MOM started introductions.  “I’m Minister of the Month.  I create the ballots.”  He proceeded to explain the origin and mechanism of voting for CB and MOM.

Minister of the American Dream continued.  “I am Minister of the the American Dream.  Former Minister of International Affairs.  I used to be in charge of all International Affairs, but since I’ve lived the American Dream, opened my own watering hole, I became Minister of the American Dream….with great power, comes great responsibility.”

Rabbi of Leisure followed.  “I’m the Rabbi of leisure.  I’m the only Rabbi in this society.  I’m always the target.”  After further digressions that undermined any sympathy for his plight, he continued, “My duties involving leisure are minimal, but in this particular case, I’m really trying to help instigate people to get more drunk than they would typically.”  To which Letters replied, “You’re doing well.”

Rabbi continued, “And tonight, we will go somewhere to make more party.”  Minister of Business Manage responded, “Wherever we end up, you’ll be outside.”

Introductions continued with Minister of Rousing, “I’m the Minister of Rousing, erstwhile Minister of Coordination and Rousing.  Part of my job is to get everyone here to the meeting.  It’s a nebulous task.  But if it works, it works.”  

Rousing then told a story about Philadelphia.  Minister of American Dream followed with his own story about Philadelphia that he had never told before, complete with an accompanying jingle.

[♪spray jam♪]

Minister of Business Management went next.  “It’s been a long time since I’ve been to one of these meetings actually.  [lots of compliments about his shirt. prolonged explanation of shirt origin.] And regards to my role, I set up the Tahoe meeting.  I stayed up all night and scared everyone the next morning, but I still won the trophy that year for Member of the Month.”  MBM’s account earned much applause and a few ‘fuck yeahs’!

Then Interior Design spoke. “I’m the Minister of Interior Design.  Which doesn’t sound like much, [looking around the room], this place checks out.  Basically, I bought a banner that we would hang in the entry way.  Dottie knew.  Dottie was our original waitress.  Dottie was a good gal…”

From the group, “God rest her soul.”

Letters argued, “She’s alive and well!”

This created lots of speculation about Dottie’s status.

Letters said quietly, “I see her at Ralph’s sometimes,” but the alternative facts had taken over.

Letters resumed, “I’m the minister of Letters because I penned our constitution on a napkin.  It’s now in a landfill somewhere.  And I wrote the anthem we just sang with little to no help from our minister of auditory of pleasures.  Just wanted to welcome you guys again [acknowledging the guest members].  It’s a big deal for us, and we’re happy you’re here.”

[3 minute break to check in on MOM who had returned to his dark space]

Minister of History proceeded.  “I’m the Minister of History.  I’m affectionately called YT.”

Interior Design asked, “What does YT mean?”

Minister of History responded, “Because I’m younger and taller than Rousing.  As History, I take notes.  For example, Tahoe meeting, I wrote that down.  Sometimes I publish them on the internet.  We have a website.”

Minister of Rousing pressed on.  Staring at the first timers, he warned them, “Now you have to stand up and say something that’s bad-ass.”

Oddly, Minister of Athletics did not give an introduction and no one questioned it.

Guest Member Jeff started.  “I’ve known about IFS since about ‘06.  Hearing about it, I’ve been super jealous of, you know, the camaraderie, but especially the flapjacks.”

Guest Member Alex followed.  “I found out about this on Wednesday.”

Rabbi chimed in, “That was a good day.”

Guest Member Cody explained,  “I first heard about the flapjack society when I was working with Diego, at Phi Beta.”

A discussion of the previous night’s wrestling match between Cody and MAD took over.  

From the group, “What happened last night?” “Someone got thrown!”

Guest Member Cody replied, “Yeah, that was Diego.  I had him in a choke hold.”

Guest Member Zach closed it out.  “Happy to be here.  Rousing has been talking about the flapjack society for months.  One time I drove a stranger’s car across the country.”

At which point the group broke from the table to stock up on Monell’s fried chicken, grits, and other southern food.  Many adolphi were drunk.

Diego let out a rendition of “Spray the Marzipan” to the tune of “By the Cake of Pan.”


“This is really good chicken. I’m eating the chicken right now.  But this cheese dish looks delicious too.” Rabbi of Leisure

“They forgot the Kale salad. Corn pudding, fuck yeah.”  Letters

While feasting, the group realized MOM had gone missing once more.  

When Rousing left the table to find MOM, lots of discussion followed about whether the fried chicken skin left on his plate was removed for health reasons or saved for later consumption.  

Rousing returned and resolved the discussion.  “I was literally going to punch someone in the face if they stole my skin.”

Heavy southern style breakfast plus lunch was followed by pony keg stands (helps with digestion).  Minister of Athletics was first to get on the pony.  Also ran: Minister of Rousing, Rabbi of Leisure, Guest Member Cody, Guest Member Jeff, Minister of Interior Design, Minister of History, Minister of American Dream, Guest Member Zach,and others. Minister of Letters and Business Management faced adversity and did not (keg) stand.

[Smoke Break in the 7th Floor Pool Area / Barbecue Deck. Country Music played from the honky tonk’s below.]

[Members returned to the breakfast plus lunch table.  Someone (Rabbi) put on music.  ‘Where Do You Go to My Lovely’ and similar hipster french tunes played on the speaker.  Rabbi started singing to ‘‘Aux Champs Elysées’.]

Referring to the music and joyful singing, Rousing yelled, “Can we stop that?”

Unexpectedly, MOM returned.  And to a standing ovation no less.

“It’s an IFS miracle.” Group

“45 seconds ago, he fell into a chair, threw up, and blacked out.” History

But you couldn’t tell, MOM looked ready to go, except for maybe the stains and slurred speech.  MOM proceeded to read all the ballots while Letters and History tallied the votes.

Rousing won MOM in a runaway for putting South in everyone’s mouth.  There was a four way tie for the Continental Breakfast award: Athletics, Rabbi, MOM, and Minister of the American Dream.  A keg stand-off was proposed.  Ultimately, the powers that be gave the Continental Breakfast award to Minister of Athletics without hesitation.

Rousing gave his MOM speech first.  “This is a society.  Which is amazing.  We formed it a decade plus one ago. Think about that.  It was actually MBM’s idea to have this trip here, so we should all thank MBM.  He literally had a son and then a week later was like, ‘Are we making this Nashville trip happen?’”  

Then Athletics gave his CB speech.  None of it can be transcribed here.

MOM presented the MOY trophy.  “I called up Chuck and consulted with him.  The Member of the Year choice was pretty obvious this year.”  A trophy was unveiled.  “I’ll save you a speech, but the Member of the Year this year is Rousing.”

The MOY trophy reads, ‘International Flapjack Society Smashville Member of the Year 2015 – Rousing.’

“Way to live in a different state.” Interior Design

“Please rise for the Anthem.” Letters


[End of Meeting.]


Is your man bun making you bald?

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No Waffles For Old, Bald Men

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In Attendance

Minister of the American Dream, Minister of Paralympics, Minister of Art Design, Minister of Media and Technology, Minister of Wardrobe, Minister of Member of the Month, Minister of Rousing, Minister of History, Rabbi of Leisure and Culinary Affairs, Minister of Competition, Minister of Interior Design, Minister of Auditory Pleasure, Minister of Lexicon, Minister of Athletics, Minister of Letters

Friday Night at the Tavern

The Morning

Following a spirited night at the Arlington Tavern, the monks woke up to light rain on the 23rd day of the ninth month of the Roman calendar, November, and celebrated the Ninth Anniversary of the International Flapjack Society: The Novanniel.  Upon entering the Turnpike IHOP in beautiful Goleta, California, the members in attendance were, as Minister of Wardrobe would later say, grinning ear to ear.

2013-11-23 11.27.42


Fucking Coen Brothers

Minister of the American Dream and Minister of Paralympics, brothers within a brotherhood, were the first to arrive.  Forced to leave early to host the Coen Brothers’ cool party for the local premiere of Inside Llewyn Davis, American Dream made haste with his order: eggs benedict, a short stake of pancakes, side of t-bone steak.  No one gets to upset the ceremony of ordering breakfast, starting at one end of the table and snaking back and forth to the far end, except for the Coen Brothers.  They get to do whatever they want.

Coen Brothers, Sneeze


Red hats for some, Budweiser for all

Rabbi of Leisure got caught up in the fervor of a different society’s breakfast meeting – the Red Hat Society – whose local chapter was also enjoying America’s favorite flapjack.  After a spirited photo session with the elderly but young at heart Red Hat Ladies, and exchanges of mutual admiration for each others’ societies, the Rabbi reluctantly returned to his own herd.  Finally, members began to take their seats and Isabel, the IHOP server, pulled open the double doors to take drink orders where she was greeted to an ovation that she would earn over the next three hours.  “Budweisers all around, no waters, and get ready to bring in more Budweisers.”

 Red Hat Society plus Joosh


Late Arrivals and Early Business

Following this was the timely arrival of the first round of beers and the less timely arrival of the Minister of Auditory Pleasure, Minister of Lexicon and Minister of Athletics, who had perhaps faced adversity when trying to make the breakfast on time, and had definitely lost.  Moments after their arrival, the group broke out in song to our dear Adolphus, a beautiful a capella rendition of the anthem, that ended strongly with Diego’s vocals sprayjamming throughout the IHOP private room.

Anthem, Hugs

Everyone settled into their traditional seats, and Minister of Rousing complimented Minister of Athletics on “his strong mustache.” Said Athletics, “I hate cancer.”

Next, Minister of American Dream shared his business, which was accelerated on account of the Coen Brothers’ having a cool party at the Arlington Tavern.

Minister of the American Dream:

“It’s been a tough year, I officially got divorced 3 days ago.  I found out…that America loves divorced people.”  To which Minister of MOM noted, “the first IFS divorce.”  American Dream continued “I vote myself for CB.  Celebrities? Who gives a fuck.” At which point a ballot was given to the minister to solidify his feelings.  Letters added,  “In regards to CB awards, I’ll never again wear shorts.”

Then, the Minister of Wardrobe and Minister of Competition arrived and were welcomed with another rendition of the anthem, a well deserved reception for, presumably, journeying from overseas to make the breakfast.  This was capped off with the surprise arrival of three appetizer samplers that Rabbi of Leisure and Culinary Afffairs had secretly ordered.  Rabbi of Leisure: “Wait for the sauces, wait for the sauces.”



Minister of Media and Technology:  Classic roasted turkey dinner, side of raspberry white chocolate chip pancakes, side of bacon, and the tortilla soup

Minister of Lexicon: Original French toast, side of full stack

Minister of Letters: Fried chicken dinner, side of short stack

Minister of Rousing: Fried chicken dinner breakfast side of German pancakes

Minister of Wardrobe: Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘n Fruity Pancakes, side of hash browns, extra fruity

Minister of Auditory pleasure: Breakfast sampler, sub German pancakes

Minister of Competition: Country fried steak, over medium

Minister of Art and Design: Hand crafted griddle melts, white cheddar and a short stack

Minister of Paralympics: Big temptation omelet

Minister of History: : Country fried steak and eggs, side of swedish crepes

Minister of Athletics: Smokehouse combo with American pancakes and American butter

Rabbi of Leisure and Culinary Affairs: Country fried steak, Omelet prepared [redacted for space]

Minister of Member of the Month: Chicken and waffles, sub flapjacks for waffles, two eggs over medium

Minister of Interior Design: Chocolate chip pancakes, bring a can of whip cream, side of two eggs over easy and bacon

Food Porn


Babies Having Babies / MOY

Computers were brought out and booted up to connect the Minister of Philanthropy, who had long ago saved Christmas and had more recently planted the seeds of life.  After some technical difficulties, and the use of a handy iphone, the group of 15 were joined by the absentee Minister, making 16.

From the Group: “Babies having babies.”

MOM: “E is being awarded member of the year in absentia. He’s fertile, a good swimmer, and we don’t like other people so we have to multiple from inside the group.”

The Minister graciously accepted the member of the year award from his home.

Philanthropy: “I brought my own trophy because I like to hold it.” “Having a baby is a big deal but seriously it’s been pretty easy so far.  But she’s been going through a lot.”

From the group: “Are you drunk right now?”  :Stop yelling!” “Keep plowing.” “Good job impregnating.”

2013-11-23 12.18.28


Official Business

Minister of Media and Technology:

M+T kicked off the second business portion of the meeting (thanks Joel and Ethan).  He was visibly excited to be there after missing the previous year.  “I’m the media of technology [sic]. I make sure Fricker’s hairline blog stays up. I don’t run it, I just maintain it.  As a maintainer, you just don’t want to lose anymore. I had a lot of great ideas…the day that I showed up. All that matters is this. It’s been a busy year, glad it wasn’t the weekend of my work party. Food is taking hold, but it’s amazing to catch up with everyone.”  M+T also managed to spill the news that Competition had become engaged.  “You stole my business” Competition yelled out.

Minister of Letter:

“Owww…my sciatica. The sciatic nerve goes from my lower back to my leg.”
Minister of the Interior Design chimed in “my longest nerve is my big dick.”
Letters continued, “We’re locking it down in SB until you guys all make it back. It will likely be home for a long time. Well, see you later.”

Minister of Rousing:

“Good to see you. As many of you know, I live in smashville, loser cash ville,  go Predators.  Buying a condo which was a massive undertaking, and the only way that this would happen was with Nova.”   He continued “yesterday, my first book article was published.”

Minister of Interior Design:

“Not a lot to say other than to say that I made that [the condo] happen. I’m excited to go out there to kick the shit out of his realtors. All the new and exciting things I didn’t know about until bunch told me.”   And later “I’m a stones throw a way from a Fridays and it goes off on Sunday.”

Minister of the Member of the Month:

“Member of the Year had to go to E because of the baby. Ed, when you go to other countries, post pictures.”

Minister of Wardrobe:

“I have no news.  I’ve been looking into more 45 dollar shirts. I was telling Pat on the way to the bar that I talk to a lot of guys at bars, gay bars, and people are envious.  I look forward to this.  I’m grinning ear to ear.  Come downtown!”

Minister of Auditory Pleasure:

“It’s hard to believe, foreskin and 7 years ago, our forefathers, our foreskins.  Some people have made positive life changes that go unnoticed because others knock their [redacted].”

Minister of Culinary Affairs:

“Bros, cheers, go warriors!  Fantastic to see everyone, especially Charlie.

Sincerely, its fucking rad.  I love you guys to the most.  It’s really impressive when you say to your boss, I gotta leave for the novannial. Cheers.”

Minister of Athletics:

“I’m minister of athletics.  This year I went to the annual dodgeball championships in Las Vegas. I play in a volleyball league.  I moved down to LA.  It’s really lovely to see everyone.”

Minister of Competition:

“There’s something I wanted to tell everyone.  I’m getting married…to a girl. I’m an older, wiser, better, person for this society.  I don’t win a lot of competitions…except this one.”  Competition then hoisted the CB above his head.

Minister of Art and Design:

“Not much.  I have snuck IFS into four commercials for [redacted] and a [redacted] commercial. The icons on the scoreboard are all IFS variations.”

Minister of Paralympics:

“I took 2nd in an Arizona competition. Triple digits temperature. If you go down to Loma Linda, I’m the face of billboards on a 12 story building. So right now, I’m officially a big deal. But I got to shave 15 minutes off the total time. ”

Minister of History:

Was excited to see everyone and then he said some bull crap about taking better notes and publishing minutes more timely.

Minister of Lexicon:

Lexicon introduced himself and then proceeded to read great e-mails from the past year. The stand out was an e-mail authored by the Rabbi of Leisure with some unfortunate spelling errors.  “Don’t laugh at him, he’s dyslexic.” said Lexicon.


Following official business and also during official business, there were more rounds of Budweisers.

Minister of MOM then collected the ballots.



The Vote

Minister of Culinary Affair was awarded the Continental Breakfast award.  Upon receiving the award, he said, ” I didn’t see this coming. But I appreciate it. And I will do everything in my power to live up to this award.  It says here: in the face of adversity, you lost. Fuck you. And I’m touched.”

Minister of History won the Member of the Month award.  History was recognized for passing the bar, joining Competition and Auditory Pleasure in the pack of law dogs.  History proudly shared, “Herodotus, the father of history, said of all possessions, friends are the most precious.  And I believe that.”

The meeting concluded with a final round of beers and many more hugs and cigarettes.  Later, Minister of Athletics proved he was the best athlete in the sport of bowling.

Monk Collage

And then we feasted at the Arlington Tavern.


Timolicious, Moons Worldwide


Putting the “I” in Frankfurt, jam. Soccer jam.

timo traps


Worldwide babeeeeeeyyyee. Burger joint in Berlin jam.

moons worldwide berlin



Hyuge Jackedman

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12_26_13 672

Christmas Came Early



Much like an original copy of the Declaration of Independence discovered behind a flea market oil painting, I found the minutes from last year’s anniversary meeting buried in a heap of well, non-pancake oriented notes. Some key details are missing and the author is clearly inebriated but it’s a verified original.  And I know, this has CB written all over it.

The 8th Anniversary

(12/15/12 in Goleta, CA)

In Attendance:

Minister of the American Dream, Minister of Art Design, El Padre Barbieri, Minister of Paralympics, Minister of Health, Minister of Athletics, Minister of Photography and Wine, Minister of Competition, Rabbi of Leisure, Minister of Wardrobe, Minister of The Member of the Month, Minister of Business Management, Minister of Letters, Minister of Auditory Pleasure, Minister of Interior Design,  Minister of Rousing, Minister of Lexicon, Minister of History.

The 11:00 am meeting began at 11:30 on Saturday, December 15, 2012.  The Minister of Paralympics and his father arrived to a standing ovation.  After many hugs and handshakes, the Minister of Rousing broke the news that the Minister of Finance would not be in attendance.  Shortly thereafter, Alfonso of House Pancakes brought in the first round of Adolphus.  Alfonso received a standing ovation for his efforts.

The first round of beers underway, the Minister of the American Dream decided to join the party.  He was greeted with a standing ovation that transitioned into an a cappella rendition of the anthem.  The normal climactic finish was stifled by a sore throat jam.

Breakfast Orders:

Minister of Auditory Pleasure ordered the Denver Omelet, side of pancakes.

Minister of Business Management ordered the Split Decision.

Minister of Interior Design also ordered the Split Decision.

Minister of Letters ordered the Eggs Benedict, side of short stack.

Minister of Rousing ordered the Chicken Fried Steak and Eggs.

Minister of Wardrobe ordered the Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘N Fruity.

Minister of MOM ordered the Huevos Rancheros.

Minister of Competition ordered the Pigs in a Blanket side of pancakes.

Minister of Athletics ordered a Country Fried Steak.

Minister of Health ordered the Belgian Waffles side of pancakes.

Minister of Photography and Wine ordered the Biscuits and Gravy and a side of German Pancakes.

Minister of the American Dream ordered the Eggs Benedict, two hash browns, side of pancakes, side of T-Bone steak

Minister of Lexicon ordered the French Toast.

The Rabbi of Culinary Affairs ordered the Country Omelet and a side short stack.

Said Rabbi: “The country omelet is my favorite omelet because they put hash browns in the omelet and on the side.  They really upped the ante.”

Minister of Health ordered the Belgian Waffles with a side of flapjacks and bacon.

Minister of Art Design ordered the Waffle Combo and a side of bacon and a sampler platter.

Minister of History ordered the Sirloin Tips and Eggs.

Padre Barbieri ordered Scrambled Eggs and Bacon.

Minister of Paralympics ordered the steak and eggs over hard.

[smoke break]

[second/third round of beers]

Official and Unofficial Business:

The Minister of Competition started things off light, saying, ‘My job is to go to meetings…and I don’t do that.”

Minister of Letters reported his goings on as co-founder of the hairline chapter.

The Minister of Interior Design reminded everyone of his title, Minister of Interior Design.  Mom questioned its continued relevance, “Still?”

The Minister of Lexicon had no business to share but his enthusiasm for being there and for the plentiful adolphus was apparent.  He received scattered boos nonetheless.

The Minister of Business Management followed, stating sincerely that “Last night at the Tavern was incredible” in reference to an impromptu, bar-stomping, all night party at the AT.

[AT pictures from the night before]

tavern 2

tavern 1

[I took 23 pictures of that night, and those were the best ones.]

The Minister of Rousing  commended the heightened international presence at the meeting with El Padre Barbieri in attendance.  “I don’t know if everyone knows this but he grew a moustache for this event.”  Later, Rousing spoke the word ‘erstwhile’ to the appall of MBM who exclaimed, “Erstwhile?”  Rousing responded “It’s an English word.”

The Minister of Wardrobe was next up.  After thanking the senior Barbieri for his attendance, he said simply, “This has been the best year of my life…I got married this past year…and I think everyone was invited.”  He went on to invite everyone to a New Years party in LA.  Wardrobe then proposed that the annual meetings be moved to August so that we might enjoy the warm weather.  [Historian’s note: that didn’t happen].

The Minister of Member of the Month proposed that IFS take a group picture each year to document everyone’s progression.

Rabbi of Culinary Affairs expressed his pleasure to be back!  He then extended an open invitation to his house in San Francisco.  He really sold it, explaining that he now has a flat screen TV.

Minister of Auditory Pleasure reminded everyone that our first anthem was done without musical accompaniment.  He proceeded to set up the background music for the anthem and everyone joined in a second, glorious rendition of the IFS Anthem.

Minister of Athletics brought out his personal bowling ball to suggest to everyone the afternoon’s activity and perhaps to remind everyone of his athletic prowess.

Minister of Health proudly related his title to us, explaining “I’m health, as you can all see.” He told us about his father’s 65th birthday and explained in some detail a story involving Las Vegas, Manny Pacquiao, the Minister of Wardrobe, and vomiting and lots of it.

Minister of Paralympics told everyone how proud he was to be the reigning member of the year.  He then announced his campaign for the 2016 paralympics and fittingly, it was agreed his title would be Minister of Paralympics.

Minister of Wine (and Photography) declared how happy he was to be there and shared that he had passed his certification to be a sommelier.

Minister of Art Design said he was bummed out he missed the previous night but also hoped the highlights would be posted on the hairline blog.

Minister of History  talked about his efforts to rededicate himself to his role as historian.  [Historian’s note: this didn’t happen.]

Minister of the American Dream shared “I have been in America for 8 years and IFS has been 8 years…it’s like a rebirth. Its been a strong year…i opened up AT so that we could do the late night after party…are you in IFS? Get the fuck out?”

After many more rounds of beer and many heartfelt comments to the excellent staff of house pancake, it was time for awards.  After a thoughtful deliberation, the monks awarded the Member of the Month, Member of the Year, and Continental Breakfast award.  Unfortunately, the historian got caught up in the festivities and relinquished his quill for an adolphus.  The exact details of who won are blurry, but photographic evidence and excerpts from speeches that survived suggest the Minister of the American Dream won both Member of the Month and Member of the Year.  Notably, the Minister of Competition was awarded the Continental Breakfast.

diego trophy 2

Said Minister of the American Dream: By winning this award, I’ve accomplished what I wanted to accomplish: I beat Bunch and got Time Magazine Man of the Year!  We’ll have another late-night speakeasy tonight, just don’t tell the Rabbi.

diego speech

Said Minister of Competition:  It’s great to be back!


One final round and a final smoke break and the meeting was adjourned.

Later, we went bowling, went back to the AT for dinner, and even made it to a bar on state street.  Well, most of us made it.


 also, there’s this…

diego trophy

glory hole!

I’m Bald Man.


I'm Bald Man

What does the fox say?…

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Electric Hairline



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