Omaha, Omaha, bald 42, bald 42, set….hike

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While I generally try and report all current hairless news, I have dropped the ‘bald’.  The Minister of Health alerted me that there are important new happenings in the world of male pattern baldness which I have missed.  Great Shame.  Regardless, here is a link to what our current NFL stars will look like in a few short decades.

http://www.mandatory.com/2014/09/03/todays-nfl-quarterbacks-if-they-were-bald-part-2/

Here’s a taste:

bald_qbs_02_rw

Super Bald Champs!

Your Super Bald Champs: The Baldamore Rogaines

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The Baldamore Rogaines

 

Please find Fricker’s very important Super Bald hairline blog post below for information regarding the party at his Dojo.

The NBA Hair-Offs (Part 2 of a 3-Post Cycle)

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Miami’s Secret Hairline Weapon

A tradition of Hairline Heat

King Hairline

The NBA Hair-Offs (Part 1 of a 3-Post Cycle)

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Yeeeeehaaaa!!

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The Superbowliest Party

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As we all know the Superbowl is upon us and the Arizona Chirp Chirps will be facing off against the Benrapelesberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Oh wait, spacing…this year it’s the Packers who will most likely lose to Polamalu’s hair and give the Steelers their 3rd Superbowl win in 6 years. Needless to say this year has no Manning, or major underdogs to pull for, it should be a good game, but I’m struggling to care…

But what I do care about is the Flapjacks, Puppy Bowl, BBQ, Adolphus, Backyard Games, Me, Gambling and Brotherhood. For the past 6 Superbowls IFS has had a meeting followed by a Super Bowl party, 4 years straight in SB, and last year in LA. The Sunday is brutal after a weekend of boozing and few actually drink enough to be called drunk, but jokes about the commercials and puppies pooping makes it all worthwhile, even when you get hammered and have to cram into the back of a Rabbi’s red truck with a mustachio hipster so you don’t have to take the train the next morning.


The point I’m trying to make is: I know the OC seems like a far drive, and that driving may make it so you can’t get drunk like a monk, or even watch the whole game, but in the long run the game is not what matters, but how much Nova wins by betting that Christina Aguliera’s national anthem song time will go over 1 min. 50 sec.

I encourage all IFS ministers to dig deep and come down for the first IFS OC Superbowl party. Notice is short and Glory may make sad drewings all day as a result, but come on down to Costa Mesa and party at the President house.





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What A&D Sees

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Today is the day boys. Real football starts and all the fantasy dreams of glory become real dreams of monetary gain. After 18 weeks of furious clicking and refreshing, internal bargaining, and hours spent prone on a couch, only one will be crowned champion. Last year’s winner, Health / Trade, will be defending his golden flapjack tiara, as Big Bear Lexicon seeks revenge for his playoffs loss, and all others try to knock down the top dogs, or seek personal glory week to week. Today it begins…

Bring me to…the 5th Anniversary

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Saturday, November 21st, 2009
IHOP
Goleta, CA
Author: Minister of History
Attending Ministers/Rabbi (17):
Minister of Media and Technology, Minister of Letters, Minister of Interior Design, Minister of Rousing, Minister of Member of the Month, Minister of Wardrobe, Minister of Revelry and Spirits, Minister of Philanthropy/Parliamentary Procedures, Minister of Auditory Pleasures, Minister of Athletics, Minister of Photography, Minister of Maritime Affairs, Minister of Competition, Minister of History, Minister of Lexicon, Minister of International Affairs
Absent Ministers/Rabbi (3):
Minister of Finance
Rabbi of Leisure
Minister of Health
Attending Guest Members (3):
Ben
Kevin
Sean
[First Round of Beers]
Ministers introduced themselves to guest members explaining their title and the duties that go along with their position.
Minister of Parliamentary Procedures touched on his ‘recession proof’ micro loans and alluded to saving Christmas some years back.
Minister of Auditory Pleasures was cheered for passing the bar and becoming IFS’s first lawyer.
Minister of International Affairs began his explanation of international duties in his usual high spirits with, “a lot of people have been trying to bring to me down…”
Newest Member, Minister of Lexicon (Chuck) thanked everyone for accepting him into IFS. He explained his position of Minister of Lexicon as the guy who remembers the funny phrases and sayings that are repeated over and over at one meeting but sometimes lost over time. The Minister of Lexicon asserted that he will remember and have a command of ‘the shtick, ya know the shit chicks hate,” and received a round of applause and many welcomes.
[Anthem – Minister of Letters (wearing athletic shorts) jumped ahead in the song, but everybody kept it together until Diego brought it home with another strong finish]
[Second Round of Beers]
Food Ordering:
Notable Orders –
Minister of Art and Design: Chicken Florentine Crepes, Appetizer Sampler, Short stack, and Mac’n Cheese
Guest Member Sean: 2 Breakfast Samplers, 5 sides of bacon
[Smoke Break]
Fantasy Football talk from the smoke break led into discussion of the afternoon football match. Team Captains and Brothers in Design (art and interior) squared off in a short stack eating competition. Minister of A/D’s bare hand approach dismantled Minister of Interior’s more methodical fork/knife method. For his Joey Chestnut-esque efforts, Minister of A/D got first pick for the Flapjack Bowl and would later pick Minister of Parliamentary Procedures.
[Beers brought in continually]
Minister of Wardrobe’s girlfriend fund for transporting the trophy to the Goleta IHOP was passed around. Full off of his victory, Minister of A/D generously contributed one dollar.
Meeting Called to Order
Minister of Parliamentary Procedures called the meeting to order. He introduced the first discussion item, the IFS Fund. Many Ministers contributed points for and against including Minister of Revelry and Spirits and Minister of Competition.
After much deliberation, Minister of Revelry and Spirits moved to set up an IFS FUND for future events and societal expenses using a group PayPal account with an optional $10 contribution a month. Minister of Rousing seconded the motion. The motion was brought to a vote and was passed unanimously with Minister of R&S electing to head up this project.
Minister of Revelry and Spirits moved to change his title to Minister of Business Management. The motion was seconded by Minister of Competition who also jokingly suggested an alternative title, the Real Minister of Finance. The motion was passed unanimously without an individual yes/no vote.
Minister of Philanthropy moved to change quorum from 2/3’s to 50% plus one. With full attendance, this would mean 11 of 20 votes would be necessary to pass a motion. Motion was seconded by Minister of M+T and passed unanimously without an individual yes/no vote.
Minister of Rousing introduced a discussion item: for future meetings, to have Ministers add their discussion items to the official agenda a couple days prior to the meeting. This would still allow for topics to be brought up at the table as well. Ministers nodded in agreement but no vote was taken.
New Business:
Minister of Rousing passed around an handout for a meeting idea for early 2010: the Phoenix Open. Minister of Rousing described the golf tournament as a three day party that would be all encompassing: food, entertainment, beer (Coors light unfortunately), and women all at one location. Minister of Business Management confirmed the potential for all Ministers to make party at the Phoenix Open as the indecipherable pictures on the hand out could not do it justice. Other ministers, including Minister of Interior Design, reminisced about the Phoenix Ramada Inn conveniently located in the same parking lot as a waffle house and a gentleman’s club – “bring me to the…best western.” The item was well received and tabled for further discussion.
Minister of Wardrobe introduced new 5th anniversary apparel – white T-shirts with gold, italicized lettering on the front and back – absolute playah design. He also mentioned his upcoming Christmas Party at his apartment in Hollywood featuring Huckleberry.
Minister of Photography suggested he change his name to something more wine related now that Minister of Business Management had changed his name from Revelry and Spirits. Despite his celebrated career in the field of photography, the former Minister of Photography is now the Minister of Wine.
Awards:
Monthly Awards:
Minister of MOM introduced the ballots explaining you can vote for “who’s super cool and who’s not” for Member of the Month and for the Continental Breakfast award. Or, as Auditory Pleasures suggested, “you can just check C.B. for C.B.”
Author’s Note: Many rounds of Budweisers made the tallying of votes a nearly insurmountable task. Many thanks to Minister of Maritime Affairs for his contributions in record keeping (and v-necks).
After many heartfelt laughs from reading aloud each ballot, the Minister of Wardrobe took home the Member of the Month award and Minister of Letters was deemed Continental Breakfast winner with 6 votes, narrowly edging out Minister of Art and Design.
In celebration, Minister of Wardrobe held the trophy proudly above his head, and pointing to the sky, he exclaimed many “Thank Yous!” and “Yes’s!” He would later claim, for the second year in a row, that “this year, I’m going to make a serious run at Member of the Year.”
Minister of Letters shook his head as he received the CB award, and explained how he had woken up with such high hopes for the day. He would later redeem himself as the MVP of the flapjack bowl.
Member of the Year Award:
Newly renamed Minister of Business Management won the Member of the Year award for his strength and organizational efforts since returning from Germany. After a mighty cheer that undoubtedly echoed through the main dining area and many, enthusiastic fist pumps, Minister of Business Management composed himself. With great humility, he simply stated, “I’m just proud to be part of this organization.” Acknowledging the group’s past and present strength, he continued, “We’re just going to get stronger and stronger.”
Minister of Member of the Month delicately added: “his strength is great, not so much in angularity, but in volume displacement.”
Lifetime Achinment Award:
Former Members of the Year – Minister of Letters and Minister of Rousing surprised the group with a special treat – a Lifetime Achinment award for the one member ineligible for the Member of the Year award because of his unique role in deciding the M.O.Y. award. Upon accepting the medal, Minister of Member of the Month explained the chinscription written on the back of medal, “you don’t see it, but there’s a lot of adversity I overcome behind the scenes.”
[2nd anthem heartily sang without incident]
[96 beers totaled]
Annivesary Surprise:
As the bill was being totalled, Minister of Art and Design stunned the group with a surprise phone call from the inspiration behind IFS – David “Champ” Koechner. As everyone huddled around and listened on speaker phone, Champ threw out a couple of “Whammy’s” and a “We Do It Every Month” much to the delight of everybody.
It was a fitting end to a strong 5th annivesary meeting.
Addendum
Notable Quotes:
“do I get a discount because you have a chest tattoo”
“that bitch was fat, thanks for the lap dances”
“you know that show on abc, Flash Forward…in my version of the show, I flash forward to myself being acquitted of statutory rape charges thanks to Minister of A.P.”

High Definition Wham

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samsung ultra HD LCD.jpgIFS has always prided itself in seeking quality in all aspects of our organization.  With this in mind I feel to watch the Super Bowl in Standard Definition would run contrary to our commitment to excellence.  It seems an organization such as ours must view this Sunday’s game in High Definition on a screen no smaller than 40 inches.

I understand arrangements have been made to have a cable box which will support HD TV, but all attempts to find a High Def delivery device have proved fruitless.

I have been asked to bring my television north for the viewing of the game which I am willing to do, however if this can be avoided I would be forever grateful.  The TV is something of a beast and I am unsure if it will even fit in my 4Runner.  Our second option would be to try and secure it into the back of the Rabbi’s truck, which sounds like a great way to break the TV.

This is what I propose, Someone at the Mesa house drives over to Circuit City and picks up a closeout flat screen.  TVs are pretty cheap right now and a good TV might be just what the doctor ordered for late night viewings of the ‘Talking Heads’ DVD.  I would also propose a 10$ viewing fee for all those watching the game to offset the cost of the TV.  A good HD TV will enhance your movie/sports/porn/surf video/music DVD/blue ray watching experience greatly. 

Please do not take my plea as a sign of ungratefulness for the hosting of the IFS weekend and the Game. I just don’t want to lug my TV to SB and possibly break it.  For any member who will bite the bullet and purchase said flat screen, you will get my vote for Member of the Month.  Trust me thats a big vote, I’ll rig that shit like Blagojevich.  Clammy.

That’s all I ask for, just 90 seconds of your life Johnny, that’s it.

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For anyone who sucks, let me bring you up to speed.  There was a movie which was released in 1991 called ‘Point Break’.  This movie featured territorial surfers, FBI agents, bank robberies, shootouts, skydiving, naked females and meatball sandwiches, best i ever tasted.  This movie was shown to me by my late uncle and literally changed my life.  I literally frequent secret beaches with chemical signatures similar to the Ex President’s home break, I say ‘Brah’ far too often and have been robbing banks in the LA area for years to fuel my endless summer.

The movie ended with surfer/bank robber Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) paddling into massive death defying Bells Beach Australia.  The movie ends, suggesting Bodhi died in the massive waves.  Apparently he didn’t die, he paddled to Indo.

The Gods have smiled on MOM by giving the green light to ‘Point Break Indo’.  Internet sources are buzzing with speculation about the return of the original stars. Here is a brief synopsis I found online:

When Billy Dalton, military special ops and star surfer, is
disqualified from the pro-surfing tour, he takes off for the coast of
Bali looking for the perfect wave.  While there he’s recruited by a
private security force who are trying to find a gang known as The Bush
Administration, surfing outlaws and modern day pirates who work like
“The Ex-Presidents,” a bank robbing crew from Malibu twenty years ago.

pb4pres.jpg

The Bush Administration!! Holy shit, thats amazing.  Casting news has not been released, but it is rumored Reeves will not return, but as long as Bodhi lives I’m happy.

Jan de Bont will be directing and the production company believes that
they will be filming the “most extreme action stunts ever caught on
camera
.”
pointbreak.jpg 

If anyone has noticed all trash talking from my fantasy football team, ‘The Ex Presidents’ in will be carried out using lines from the original ‘Point Break’.  (That team name is picked prior to the news for the sequel.) I’ve actually handed over management duties of the EX Presidents to A&D so I could focus full time on ‘Point Break’ trash talking.

Needless to say I’ll be somewhere sweet in LA on opening night, drunk and in costume.  If they film in IMAX, I’m there.

‘The Dark Knight’ is to Letters
as
‘Point Break Indo’ is to MOM.

Filming may not have even started yet, so speculation about release dates may be a bit premature, but I think a surfer party is in order, maybe a little beach football, tequila shots, bonfire, stealth mission. Who knows?

“Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn’t it?”

shirt-vaya-con-dios-brah.gif

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