Your Super Bald Champs: The Baldamore Rogaines

Comments Off on Your Super Bald Champs: The Baldamore Rogaines


The Baldamore Rogaines


Please find Fricker’s very important Super Bald hairline blog post below for information regarding the party at his Dojo.

The NBA Hair-Offs (Part 2 of a 3-Post Cycle)

1 Comment

Miami’s Secret Hairline Weapon

A tradition of Hairline Heat

King Hairline

The NBA Hair-Offs (Part 1 of a 3-Post Cycle)

1 Comment

[Title Needed]


The Superbowliest Party


As we all know the Superbowl is upon us and the Arizona Chirp Chirps will be facing off against the Benrapelesberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Oh wait, spacing…this year it’s the Packers who will most likely lose to Polamalu’s hair and give the Steelers their 3rd Superbowl win in 6 years. Needless to say this year has no Manning, or major underdogs to pull for, it should be a good game, but I’m struggling to care…

But what I do care about is the Flapjacks, Puppy Bowl, BBQ, Adolphus, Backyard Games, Me, Gambling and Brotherhood. For the past 6 Superbowls IFS has had a meeting followed by a Super Bowl party, 4 years straight in SB, and last year in LA. The Sunday is brutal after a weekend of boozing and few actually drink enough to be called drunk, but jokes about the commercials and puppies pooping makes it all worthwhile, even when you get hammered and have to cram into the back of a Rabbi’s red truck with a mustachio hipster so you don’t have to take the train the next morning.

The point I’m trying to make is: I know the OC seems like a far drive, and that driving may make it so you can’t get drunk like a monk, or even watch the whole game, but in the long run the game is not what matters, but how much Nova wins by betting that Christina Aguliera’s national anthem song time will go over 1 min. 50 sec.

I encourage all IFS ministers to dig deep and come down for the first IFS OC Superbowl party. Notice is short and Glory may make sad drewings all day as a result, but come on down to Costa Mesa and party at the President house.

This message was paid for and endorsed by Coach.

Superbowl XLV: The Watching


Will Big Ben corner the Packers in the bathroom of a dive bar, or will Green Bay’s defense turn the tables on him?  More importantly, who’s down to watch and where should we do it? Normally I would nominate the Beethoven house, but with the recent loss of chin-strength there, maybe we should broaden our horizons.  Hollywood?  SB?  OC?  Let’s get the discussion going ASAP.

IFS goes to Duketown


Esteemed Ministers,

In discussions with several of you durring my brief visit to California over the Christmas break, it was made clear to me that there is a groundswell of support for the IFS-Durham pilgrimage I have advocated for since my first months in tabacco country. Though I know the journey is far and pocketbooks are slim, however I assure you the rewards of such a mission will substantially outweigh the costs.

Therefore I would like to formally invite you all to join me in the land of biscuits and gravy for what will prove to be an adventure of legendary proportions.  Nestled comfortably between Iraqi Kurdistan and Kosovo, Durham proudly holds 35th place on the NY Times’ list of greatest cities to visit in the world in 2011, and in the wake of an IFS assalt, I am confident Durham can surpass the Kurds by 2012.

In lue of a longwinded explanation of all the wonders Durham has to offer, I submit to you this list of web-links for establishments we will patronize should my invitation be accepted:

….and many more

Now the question is when. I suggest a Thursday through Sunday timeline (with arrival prior to dinner on Thurs).  I will try to make whatever date works best for you fit with my schedule.  As a starting point for discussion, I propose the weekends of:

Feb 17-20, March 10-13 or 17-20 (my spring break), April 7-10 or 14-17

Please discuss dates amongst yourselves and contact me with any questions. I hope too see you all in Durham soon.

Good Flapjack to you,

The Rebbi

6 Years Strong: The Ann Jam



IHOP off Turnpike in Goleta, CA

November 6th, 2010


Minister of Media and Technology, Minister of Letters, Minister of Business Management, Minister of Interior Design, Minister of Member of the Month, Minister of Wardrobe, Minister of Philanthropy, Minister of Lexicon, Minister of Auditory Pleasures, Minister of Athletics, Minister of Art and Design, Minister of Health, Minister of History, Minister of International Affairs, and newly appointed Minister Edward (hereafter called Minister of Ed, short for Education or Edward, your pick).

[Heroic Anthem Singing]

[1ST Round]


Ministers went around the room touching on their roles and offering initial updates while saving business matters for later.  Minister of Interior Design pointed out the International Flags that accompanied the cups that he and MBM put together.  He was also sure to point out the party favors each member received in the cup, and pointing to one ‘safety measure’ in particular, said, ‘this one is for up in the ribs.’  MOM mentioned new ballots.  Lexicon promised quotes that would be presented later.  Minister of Athletics recalled his marathon from that morning.  Minister of International Affairs shared with everyone two things he liked that smell good, one of which was pancakes.  Minister of Ed. informed the group he likes spending his time doing Asian things like making SAT tests for mainly Asian kids.

[2nd Round]


Minister of Wardrobe –  Rooty Tooty Fresh n’ Fruity

Minister of Philanthropy – “Although not ordering the chorizo goes against my heritage, I think I’m going to order the steak and eggs”

To which Minister of Interior Design replied,  “Ay Dios Mio”

Minister of Art and Design – Avocado, bacon, and cheese omelet with a short stack of pancakes with strawberries and whip cream and a side appetizer sample.

Minister of Ed. – Sirloin Tip and Eggs with a side of pancakes

Minister of Health – Chicken Fried Steak (the dinner portion)

Minister of International Affairs – Eggs Benedict with an extra egg, short stack of pancakes, side T-bone steak , side of red skinned potatoes

[Smoke Break]

[Technical Difficulties trying to connect with Minister of Rousing]

[Food Brought Out]

Minister of Auditory’s European crepes were slow to come out and Minister of Athletics was quick to suggest, ‘they had to find a Frenchman to make it.’

Shortly after, Minister of Athletics recounted some of the finer moments of his tremendous athletic performance earlier that morning.  He recalled that he started the marathon listening to the Arnold Mega Mix and was laughing hysterically to himself, prompting the ‘serious’ marathon runners around him to wonder “who is this drunk idiot laughing to himself?”

[Third Round]


M+T talked about how great the tradition is, asking himself, “how long have we been doing this? Six years.”  He mentioned the need to establish one byline that is both fitting and appropriate, and suggested voting that ‘we do it every month’ be officially replaced with ‘by the cake of pan.’

Minister of Letters showed off the IHOP gift certificates.  He then suggested, perhaps seriously,  “we should get IFS credit cards.”  About his recent efforts, Letters offered, “sorry if I haven’t contributed, but it’s my life, so fuck you.”

Minister of Business Management showed off the new mugs that he made happen.  He credited Minister of Interior Design for the idea.  MBM also brought up the idea of drawing names out of a hat to select people to plan the big meeting of the year, which would allow a diverse group to get involved in the planning process that might not regularly be part of it.  The vote on this official proposition was held until the close of BUSINESS.  [Historian’s note: he also ran a half-marathon that morning.]

Minister of Member of the Month discussed the MOY award, talked about how he consulted with last year’s winner, MBM, and at first questioned whether anyone had made a substantial effort to warrant receiving the award.  Then,  upon review of the events that had transpired over the weekend, MOM announced Minister of Athletics as the Member of the Year.  Much applause and congratulations followed.  Then Minister of Athletics stood up on tired legs and said, “I’m kind of a shell of a human being right.  But I did my business this morning.  Thank you very much.”  More well deserved applause.

Minister of Wardrobe followed saying it was, “good to see everyone for the Ann. Jam.”   He talked about shirts that he had sized people for and promised they would be delivered at the end of the month.  Minister of M+T interjected, “That sounds awesome!”

Minister of Philanthropy started by simply saying, “6 years…pretty badass.” He then touched on saving X-Mas many, many years ago.  There were shouts to the effect of, “still bringing that up?” to which Minister of Philanthropy responded that he wanted to get bracelets for everyone saying “never forget.”  He went on to update everyone on the state of microloans explaining Oscar Mayara Garcia finally paid IFS back.  And that a new mico-loan was under way for Felix in Peru.  Everyone was very pleased though suspect of the possible business ventures associated with Peru.

[Beers grabbed at an as needed basis from the beer cooler throughout this part of the meeting]

Minister of Lexicon said how great it was to be here.  He went on to give a hilarious account of everyone’s finest quotes.  This was met with much laughter and applause and proved to be a very tough act to follow.  He also mentioned he did not bring the Continental Breakfast award; it made it as far as the Motel 6 but no further.

Minister of Athletics touched on his marathon and quickly sat down having already recalled the morning marathon earlier in the meeting.

Minister of Auditory Pleasures talked about how he may lack in objective contributions, but that he recently relocated to the origin of IFS, Santa Barbara.  Everyone applauded greatly.

[Historian’s note: also recently bought a Benz…absolute playa]

Minister of MOM commented that Minister of Art and Design’s first job was at Chucky Cheeses and everyone laughed.  Then Minister of Art and Design…

[Historian’s Note: Budweiser seems to have stained both the Historian’s record and memory of Minister of Art and Design and Minister of Health’s comments which are  missing here.]

Minister of History acknowledged he totally spaced on the Member of the Month award and was disappointed he missed out on the wedding and on the marathon.  He talked about his recent trips, one to Montecito, another to  China, and passed around some authentic artifacts that double as cozies.

Minister of International Affairs talked about his long awaited Social Security to the delight and congratulations of everyone.  “For a long time I’ve waited for this…”

Minister of Ed was welcomed into the group with a hearty applause.  “It’s an honor to join this esteemed brotherhood.  This type of brotherhood and camaraderie is in large part dying elsewhere, so I’m glad to be part of this.”  More applause and appropriate ethnic comments.

Then a vote was held on Minister of Business Management’s ‘hat drawing’ motion.  The  motion passed unanimously.

Following this, the ballots were collected for the Member of the Month.  Minister of Member hilariously read out each ballots as if he had written them himself.  Member of the Month was awarded to Minister of Lexicon in large part because of his great presentation.  He narrowly beat out Minister of Athletics who ran a marathon and then drank a forty of bud ice.

The Continental Breakfast award voting came down to a tie between Minister of Lexicon for forgetting the MOM trophy at the motel 6 and Minister of History for spacing on the CB trophy, amongst other things.  It was decided the two would make arguments to defend why they shouldn’t be given the CB award.  After two sloppy speeches, the tie breaking vote cast by Minister of Letters went to the Minister of Lexicon to ensure both trophies would make it to the next meeting.


Following the rules of the new motion, three names were drawn out of the hat to help plan the next big meeting.  Minister of Wardrobe, Minister of Athletics, and Minister of Lexicon were all selected and expectations couldn’t be higher.

[Meeting Adjourned]

Emergency in Santa Barbara

1 Comment

All hands on deck! Apparently there is a surplus supply of Budweiser beer in Santa Barbara, the town is literally drowning. All available men must report for duty immediately, to save the town which has given us so much.
“Thirst for Bud!”

Durham Calling


Esteemed Ministers,

I am greatly saddened to have to miss both the Halloween Rumble and the upcoming 5 year reunion. My distance has proven to be a formidable obstacle to my active participation in IFS activities since school has begun. But I would like to take this seemingly lamentable situation and use it to the benefit of our entire organization. What I am suggesting will be demanding of you all, but the rewards will far out way the costs… I, the Rabbi of leisure, would like to invite you all to Durham, North Carolina, for the greatest New-Year’s celebration of the decade!!! IFS New-Year’s 2010 has the potential to blow your flap-staken’ minds and stir your syrup-pumpin hearts.

For those bold enough to make the journey, I guarantee:

• Life altering Barbecue (and many other varieties of food to clog the arteries but quicken the spirit)

➢ Diego- This means all you can eat, so get your shwammy-as-she-goes ass down here

• Beer that flows like wine (and for that matter, wine that flows like wine as well)

➢ If anyone can convince Jordan to come, the Mike’s Hards are on me all trip

•Scantily clad, sex-starved women, eager to experience the joy of uninhibited flap-jackery

➢ For Jimmy – Fish to have sex with

• Music so riveting as to inspire Bunch to dance, and make Nova want to sodomize Esteban

• A whirlwind tour of one of the south’s most vibrant cities (led by your own Rabbi of leisure)

• And most importantly a chance for our brotherhood to strengthen bonds friendship in yet another far-flung destination

Let me know how this sounds to all of you. If there is a will there is a pancake, so let’s do it!

Light and fluffily yours,

The Rabbi of Leisure



Older Entries