The More Athletic Alternative. Just Do It.


Big_sur_marathon_logo_5 I come to offer all you ministers out there, from the North to the South, East to the West, an alternative to the titillating sounds of the such rock superstars as the Rapture, Rage, the Black Keys, LCD Soundsystem, Ghostface Killah, We are Scientists, and or course, Bjork.

I, the Minister of Athletics, Coordination, and Gift Cardery, the most athletic minister in the organization, will be attempting to do what no other minister has done, and probably will never do; run a marathon. I will be competing in 22nd running of the Big Sur International Marathon on April 29. This marathon is described as being "Hard, grueling, mountainous, windy, spectacular, unforgiving, rewarding, spiritual, mystical Big_sur_marathonand unforgettable", and more importantly, 26.2 miles. In the training phase alone, this marathon claimed the pride and $100 non-refundable entry fee of two fellow ministers (Stinkleman and Pooman), but my name is Athletics, not Finance Monkey.

With all joking aside, mostly all, I strongly urge all ministers to think about coming up for the marathon, it would mean a lot to me. The race starts at Pfeiffer Big Sur Ranger Station winding along the beautiful Highway 1 on the Pacific Coast and ends 26.2 miles later in Carmel. Along the way there is entertainment including "The Yamaha grand piano at Bixby Bridge, Taiko drummers at the foot of Hurricane Point, belly dancers at mile 25 and much, much more. An eclectic mix of classical, jazz, and rock and roll provided by musical groups unique to our area." For as much excitement as there is in 4,500 people running 26.2 miles, there is even more for those who smartly chose not to run and just to watch and enjoy the festivities. And you will get to watch me representing our great organization with my custom made IFS running suit.


23 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. diego jamminizer
    Feb 02, 2007 @ 08:27:36

    my passion is my life, and.. SPRAY JAM IS MY LIFE!!!

  2. rousing
    Feb 01, 2007 @ 18:14:00

    My passion is AHLALALALALALALA!!!!

  3. defense
    Feb 01, 2007 @ 12:54:48

    My passion, Bernie, is sitting on my ass thinking about how much cooler I am than Conor Oberst.

  4. athletics
    Jan 29, 2007 @ 13:57:20

    And then Baumann replied: “Lasers!”

  5. baggs
    Jan 29, 2007 @ 13:51:52

    we’re not camping, we’re getting hotel rooms. You won’t be surrounded by a bunch of 19 year olds because this isnt warped tour. and it’s probably more like 80,000 people. if you’re going to say something, at least know what you’re talking about. baumann, it’s nice to have something to be passionate about. mine’s music. what’s yours? i mean, besides watching other people run marathons?

  6. defense
    Jan 29, 2007 @ 12:40:24

    I would rather again feel the shame of signing up for the marathon and not running it than go camping in Indio for three days with ten thousand 19 year old hipsters. Towers running the Big Sur Marathon is cooler than Bernie going to Coachella. There, I said it. I, however, will not be running a marathon or going to Coachella that weekend, so I guess that makes me the least cool of all.

  7. M+T
    Jan 26, 2007 @ 15:56:20

    Music festivals are not lame Baumann, and attending them isn’t lame either.
    Saying you are going to do something and backing out at the last minute is lame.

  8. baggs
    Jan 26, 2007 @ 11:37:57

    baumann, take your pretentious use of the english language and go fuck yourself.

  9. defense
    Jan 26, 2007 @ 11:06:32

    Godspeed Towers. Finish, or really even just go, and you are a better man than I. Coachella, and the people who go, are really quite lame.

  10. athletics
    Jan 26, 2007 @ 10:31:00

    that was to say that i would help with the organizing of the short making so it would be easier on you, you sensitive jamochio

  11. rousing
    Jan 26, 2007 @ 10:12:40

    Wow dad, it takes a big, strong, athletic man to run 26.2 miles. Bravo Towers! I’ll be there…maybe with an IFS: Team Towers T-shirt? C’mon Wardrobe, you can do it. Remeber what taking MOM last meeting felt like? No one made any gay jokes that morning, I think.

  12. schroediki
    Jan 26, 2007 @ 09:47:59

    i still need to get paid for the ties, before i can dip into the next article

  13. schroediki
    Jan 26, 2007 @ 09:46:51

    you condescending jamoch…

  14. athletics
    Jan 26, 2007 @ 09:26:58

    the treadmill is no good for me, i can only get about 3 miles and then i get bored. my brother might run it with me, but regardless my family is coming down and hopefully some friends. i know wardrobe wanted to get some IFS athletic shorts made, so maybe this will speed up that process

  15. mandrew
    Jan 25, 2007 @ 15:03:36

    Wow, maybe I should start cranking up the ole treadmill. OK give me a little time to think about this one. 26.2 miles isn’t something to be taken lightly, you can’t just say you’re gonna do it and then feign injury at the last minute. There will need to be an intense training regiment. Has anyone joined your cause?

  16. athletics
    Jan 25, 2007 @ 14:45:39

    Yeah, I want to get some shorts and an athletic shirt made. Under Armour seems like the logical choice, you know, click clack, click clack, but for running a marathon instead. And get it silk screened with IFS logos.

  17. mandrew
    Jan 25, 2007 @ 14:20:59

    Wow, there a lot of comment babble there. Are you really getting a custom made running suit? If so and I can get one too, I’ll consider doing it with you. I don’t want to commit just yet, and then flake out later. I’d feel like a bitch.

  18. athletics
    Jan 25, 2007 @ 14:06:39

    From Wikipedia, Baumann’s favorite research site:
    Angus and Malcolm Young claim they developed the idea for the band’s name after seeing the acronym “AC/DC” on the back of a sewing machine owned by their sister, Margaret. “AC/DC” is an abbreviation for “alternating current/direct current”, which indicates that an electrical device can use either type of power. The brothers felt that this name symbolized the band’s raw energy and power-driven performances, and the name stuck.[7][8]
    In some cultures, “AC/DC” is a slang term for bisexuality; the band have said that they were not aware of this usage until it was brought to their attention by fans.[9] Some religious figures have suggested that the name stands for “Anti-Christ/Devil’s Child(ren)”, “Anti-Christ/Devil Christ”, “After Christ/Devil Comes”, “Anti-Christ/Death to Christ”, and so on. Although rumours have persisted among critics attempting to paint the band as Satanists, the band have denied these interpretations of their name, and have mocked the accusations.[8]
    “AC/DC” is pronounced one letter at a time, though the band are known as “Acca Dacca” among some Australian fans. The name has inspired tribute bands, including BC/DC from the Canadian province of British Columbia;[10] AC/DShe, an all-female group from San Francisco;[11] and Hayseed Dixie, an Appalachian band specializing in bluegrass covers.

  19. schroediki
    Jan 25, 2007 @ 14:01:30

    jesus…what does AC/DC stand for?

  20. athletics
    Jan 25, 2007 @ 13:22:51

    Yeah, i used to go to church group and we used to sit indian style, i mean crossed legged, and sing along to the words swaying back and forth with wide joker-like smiles on our faces…then we spoke in tongues but it was to the lyrics of DC Talk, i mean Decent Christian Talk.

  21. baggs
    Jan 25, 2007 @ 13:16:04

    HA! DC Talk. My sister gave me their CD ‘Jesus Freak’ when i was a kid. did you have that album too, MAT? i kid, i kid…

  22. athletics
    Jan 25, 2007 @ 12:54:52

    whoa, whoa, whoa. no sarcasm needed. this is not to say give up your $240 coachella tickets to come see me be a man and run the distance in the name of IFS, but rather an option for those that are not attending coachella. i understand the need to see rage, i grew up rocking out to them too. and please don’t acronym this great bands name, it demeans them puts them in the acronym for a band name category with the likes of DC Talk – Decent Christian Talk and POD – Payable On Death.

  23. baggs
    Jan 25, 2007 @ 12:12:05

    ok. instead of watching RATM, the one band i never got to see live, the one band with whom i had come to terms with the fact that never in my lifetime would i see a live RATM performance, i will go instead and hand strangers small cups of water. sorry towers, if it was any other day, you know i’d be there.